Farts 2008

I have decided to write a satire on string odors by talking about the need to legalize the right to fart in public. I am writing in response to the laws which subject New Zealand Farmers to be taxed according to the Kyoto Protocols in their cattle emit more than the accepted amount of methane. The purpose of this law is also to control the Greenhouse Effect by controlling the odor of methane. The reality is that this law is unfair, unconstitutional, and discriminatory against those who fart because they cannot control it and those who fart because they derive pleasure from farting in public.

Farts are gasses that are formed by a combination of Hydrogen Sulfide [which gives farts their smells], hydrogen, oxygen, nitrogen, and carbon dioxide. Farts are produced inside the intestines as a form of fermentation of digested food and swallowed air which passes through the intestine and comes out as nothing more than a fart. All human farts and it must be remembered that Benjamin Franklin defended Farts in his address to the Royal Academy of Science in Great Britain in the year 1781 when he challenged humanity to “Fart Proudly”. It took a great man to convince the world of the need to let out some wind. After all farting is freedom.

If people can talk about human rights, what about the rights of humans to fart as a way of overcoming strong odors? After all, the way to overcome strong odors is to live with them. Who can remember the times when George W. Bush [the disaster who is the 43rd President of the United States of America until 2009 or until he is removed from office or resigns before the 2008 elections] talked about going to war in Iraq. When Bush mentioned “Regime Change”, Bush let out some silent but deadly gasses that left Condoleeza Rice, Dick Cheney, and Colin Powell with a sense of stimulation of the medula oblongata [vomiting in layman’s term].

We should mention that farting was allowed in Hitler’s Chamber Room since he drank motor oil to avoid farts and when he could not find any motor oil, he let it rip. Others were not lucky such as Stalin’s Personal Assistant whose last name was Molotov. Molotov was sent to exile in Siberia for farting in front of Stalin. After Stalin died, Khruschev rehabilitated Molotov but changed his mind after Molotov farted on Khruschev. This time, Molotov went to exile in Mongolia and stayed there until he was rehbilitated by Gorbachev. After rehabiliation by Gorbachev, Molotov spent his last years in his Moscow Dacha farting and tending to his garden

What about people like Le Pantomine and Mr. Methane who overcame strong odors in order to make a living by farting with music. What about the public who paid good money for Le Pantomine and pay good money to see Mr. Methane? Farting is part of the physiological process and must be allowed. People must learn how to live with farts and learn how to overcome its strong odors by using methods such as ignorance to Transcendental Meditation.

Franklin, Benjamin: “To the Royal Academu of Farting” 1781
http://teachingamericanhistory.org/library/index.asp?document=470 assessed on the 19th of February 2008.



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